Horror is Like…

Horror Kitten

Horror Kitten

That’s right. I went there.

That cute cuddly cat could have rabies. Imagine it’s just waiting for you to get close enough, so it can go all Cujo on you.

Not so cute now, huh?

It makes me think about what other things Horror is like. And why.

Here goes:

Horror is like Bangs, they both get a bad rap. (insert rimshot here)

While some rappers get a bad rap from lack of street cred, Horror mainly gets it’s from Hollywood. More specifically, sequels. I understand the franchise and the economics behind it but sequels often lack a little thing called quality.

Hence, “Horror” is defined by many as “B-rated hacks doing stupid stuff”.

And if Horror was only confined to the Horror genre, I would have to agree.
The trouble is that you can’t fit Horror into neat and tidy boxes.

You can find Horror in nearly every movie.

In those about an innocent man in prison.

Or those about misunderstood youths.

You can even hear Horror in the song, “A boy named Sue”.

Just try listening to rap, bad or otherwise and not hear the Horror.

If you visited the above link, you know what I’m talking about.

Horror is like the Bee Gees, everyone loves them but no one wants to admit it.

Horror is the guilty pleasure of the human race. We all love it. But people often think they are above Horror.

Pinkys up everyone. No slouching. Elbows off the table.
“Shakespeare is true art,” they say. “He didn’t write whore-or.”

Are you kidding? The man is most well-known for his “tragedies”. Anyone who tells you Romeo and Juliet is a love story and ONLY a love story is misguided.
Star-crossed, ill-fated lovers who both die without each other. That’s a Horror story if I ever heard one.

And Hamlet? Come on people. It had a ghost in it. A TALKING GHOST!

Horror is like MSG; they are in almost everything.

Most people are under the assumption that if no naked promiscuous teenagers are dying then it’s not technically a Horror movie/story.

That isn’t true.

Horror can be found in anything. To prove that point, I’ll show you Horror in a “feel good” movie chick-flick. The rom-jerker to end all rom-jerkers…..Steel Magnolias.

If that movie had just been a few minutes shorter, it would be a slam dunk in the Horror category.

Julia Roberts dies…THE END = Horror.

But throw on a bitter-sweet ending and suddenly it’s a “romantic tear jerker”.

“Yea, but that one small change made all the difference”, people say.

Yet, they still don’t notice that the Horror is still there, just with a few extra minutes of footage added to the end.

But sprinkling butter flavoring on poop does not popcorn make. It might be butter-flavored poop. BUT IT’S STILL POOP!

And Horror is still Horror.

Horror is like….you know what?

I think I can stop there.

You get the point.

Horror is like EVERYTHING!


~ by Charlie Edgar on February 4, 2012.

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