The Ring….of Resolutions

Ring of Resolution

Ring of Resolution

Well, it is that time of year again. Time to pretend you are going to be someone else.

No, not Halloween. Guess again.


Okay. I’m talking New Years!

Does anyone find it odd that people openly admit how horrible they are?

I mean, I love that sort of thing. It’s like everyone conceding that Horror is an essential part of their make-up; in their DNA even. Though I doubt any one else thinks that deep about their Horror-able-ness.

Truly, we all go out of our way to tell ourselves and everyone else that we shall henceforth cease being horrible.

I guess the point there is: We are all horrible.

It must be human nature to want to improve oneself but to me New Years Resolutions feel more like the airing of soiled laundry.

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?”


“What dead musty bones do you have stored in that suitcase in you closet?”

And that’s not even my biggest problem. I tell people all year about my faults. About how I blend up Red Lobster’s Cheddar Bay Biscuits and inject that stuff straight into my blood stream.

It is litteraly my heroin. And you know what? I’m good with that.

I could tell you that I’m going to try and stop. That would be a lie.

I can make claims that I’ll exercise but unless that involves some hand to mouth action or hip movement in the bedroom, I would again be lying.

Actually, I’m more inclined to go with Joe Konrath’s idea of a diet Food or beer? He made his choice, and I might join him if I could substitute beer for Muscato wine.

Then again, give up early morning Mountain Dew and Honey Buns? Yea, I’m not going to lie to you. That is NOT going to happen.

I’m beginning to think that lying is just part of every holiday. I’ve already proved lies are in Christmas, though I love the season.

Yet, lying seems the be at the very core of every New Year. It’s estimated that roughly 78% of all New Year Resolutions fail. Of those, most fail in the first….“Seven days”. Great, now all we’re missing is a static-y television.

Hence, 78% of all resolvers are liars.

Intentional or unintentional, I’m just saying let’s not lie to each other.

Most Horror I love. Lying is not lumped in with the love. It is outside in the chilly night air, begging for a coat and gruel to fill the void in the “e”. I spit on you, Mr. Lie. Unless said lie was on fire, in which case I would abstain from spitting. Just to prolong the aggony.

ANY-WHO……. Where was I? Oh, yes.

Want to make an honest resolution?

Resolve that you won’t change a thing. Promise yourself that you’ll love every horrible bone in your body. Cherish those things about yourself that you don’t like. They make you, you. And unless your name is Hitler or Bin Laden, you can’t be all that bad.

Then if you do change into a better version of yourself, well, I guess that still makes you a liar.

But that’s something you can work on next year.

Or not.


~ by Charlie Edgar on January 5, 2012.

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