The Horror of Marriage


Shackles of Marriage

Before I begin to get a bunch of hate mail about how I hate marriage, let me first say that marriage can be a wonderful thing. My marriage is indeed a wonderful thing, but that doesn’t also mean that sometimes it can’t quite literally be horrifying.

Let’s say we ignore the big game changers. Things like abuse, infidelity or divorce. How can there be horror in a healthy loving marriage? Well, two things must be present.

The first is a set of personal differences between spouses. Horror doesn’t happen because two people always agree. Horror happens because of conflict, often this can be mere mental conflict.

A prime example:

My wife loves to go shopping. All out, balls to the wall, four hours in one store, shopping. She loves that, but honestly, I’d rather get a colonic with a used colostomy bag while laying on a bed of nails. I’m  more of an in and out in 3.65 minutes kind of guy (that’s what she said, yea, funny, jokes over).

That kind of shopping truly horrifies me. I know what you’re probably saying right now and it sounds good in theory.

“Charlie, why don’t you just tell that wife you would rather sit the trip out?”

Good question. But remember when I said two things must be present to have horror in a healthy marriage. Well, it’s that pesky second reason that keeps me tethered  to Target and TJ Max.

The second thing that must be present in a marriage for horror to occur is love. Yes, I admit it. I love my wife. So how does love cause horror? Because when my wonderful wife ASKS, “Hey, I know yo don’t like to go shopping but I’d really love it if you went and checked out BLANK with me, just one store. Quick, I promise.”

Well, love doesn’t let me say no to that, not always. She knows I don’t like to go, and even gives me an out with “you don’t have to” or something along those lines (that is her love, by the way). But because of my own love, I just can’t always say no. Sometimes I say yes.

It works both ways of course. Sometimes I’ll ask my wife to watch this YouTube video of a survival expert eating something horrible. She usually says no. But sometimes, she sees how excited I am about it (yea, I’m sick that way) and she watches it. She of course, also throws up.

Ah, the things we do for love.

How about you? What kind of horror do you experience in your marriage?

That is the horror of marriage.


~ by Charlie Edgar on October 13, 2011.

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